Oblique Strategies and Weak Resolutions
January 2023
Slow Burn
Just one more purchase to fill the void
If you know me you know I’m a consumer, a shopper, and if I’m being really honest; not always a super ethical one.
The truth is, sometimes, especially when I’m feeling sad, a feeling of needing stuff comes over me, and I just find myself buy-buy-buying. It can be anything; a hat that looks like a flower. A stack of colour-blocked jumpers from Primark. Most recently, a collection of copper pans that I really felt I absolutely had to have if I was ever going to be able to find contentment in my life (this was after watching the Joan Didion documentary and swooning over her casserole dishes).
Sometimes the urge to shop overtakes me, (and it is much more an urge to shop than a urge to have, as evidenced by the number of things that end up finding their way, unopened, tags still on, into the charity bag), and before I know it I’ve spent a day self-soothing with online shopping, and bargain hunting.
And there’s the rub for me - the bargain hunting side of things. Because buying things you want and can afford isn’t an issue, I don’t think, so long as you’re not hurting anyone. But can I really claim that I think my Amazon or Primark purchases aren’t hurting anyone? Not really, if I’m telling the truth.
I am lucky to be at a stage in my life, and my career, where I can, technically, afford some more expensive investment pieces. And I believe that it’s the right thing to do. So why do I do it so rarely? Why am I so drawn to a bargain and a good deal despite knowing that I wouldn’t have to look far to find the people directly impacted by my choices?
Growing up bargain hunting was a necessity rather than a sport - my mom worked as a cleaner, my dad was a grave digger, and our family was supported by benefits and free school meals. I’m not sure that feeling of scarcity has ever, really, left me in my adult life. And so now that I have means, instead of using my purchasing power to buy fewer, better things - I’ve defaulted to buying more of the same lower cost things that I’ve always had - which has meant that, without me really noticing, my shopping has become an area of my life where my beliefs and my actions are out of step with each other.
Add to that the potential instability of the life and career I’ve built, as a self employed writer and public speaker, and I don’t think it’s hard to see why finances often feel somewhat…risky. Money can feel somehow ephemeral - as though it could slip away through my fingers at any moment. And so, although it doesn’t actually make any real sense (feelings so often don’t), buying a lot of cheap things feels somehow ‘safer’ than spending the exact same amount on fewer better quality pieces - which are undeniably more in line with my values.
And so, in December I found a new online shopping obsession, one that felt both moral, and scratched my itch for a bargain (and for a bit of nonsense): the Barnardo’s charity eBay page. Charity shopping from the comfort of my own sofa, and the novelty of feeling that for once my shopping might be doing something good instead of the guilt of non-ethical consumerism.
I’ve never been an eBayer of any kind before, and I found the thrill of bidding on the strange collection of things that the charity listed to be intoxicating, and somewhat addictive. Which is to say, this is how I, a (mostly) vegetarian, have ended up with a vintage tabletop meat grinder with a clamp that’s too small to attach to my kitchen island, a box of 60 Job Lot mixed vinyl records (more on that in a minute), and a silver plated menu holder in the shape of a fish (I know, it’s incredible) to name, honestly, just the tiniest fraction of my most recent purchases.
There’s also the thermos, that turned out to be (much) bigger than my head, books and books of old cigarette cards, and several vintage cameras that I have no idea or interest in how to restore, that now fight for very limited space on the already overstuffed bookcases.
If I’m honest it’s now become as much an issue of space as one of ethics.
And so I’m going to set myself a challenge. I’m going to try to do No New January. I’m writing this on January 9th. Can I go until Feb 9th without buying stuff? (Truth be told, as I'm writing this I’m trying to think of loopholes - things I can buy and then justify as being ‘essential’.) I’ll let you know how I get on.
UPDATE: Friends, lovers, readers, it did not go 100% well. 5 days into the challenge there was a pre-loved, £10, plus size fashion sale minutes from my house, and I more than succumbed to temptation (you can see my haul here). It felt like an opportunity that wouldn’t come often, and honestly, it made me really happy to be in a room shopping with other fat people, just being happy, sifting through feathers and sequins.
Maybe the trick is to find a balance, rather than my all or nothing approach that I apply to most of my life, with varying success. But I’ll try again, because if that’s my only blip until Feb 9th, I still think I will have done a pretty good job!
Hot Takes
1. Intimacy These Days
My friend Emily sent this piece by Jess Janz to me over the new year's break, and it absolutely took my breath away. As someone who does the vast majority of my communicating, and socialising, online I recognised these moments so deeply as acts of love.
The print is available to buy directly fromJess Janz here, as a digital download.
2. Indeed, I do
I was able to contribute to the latest Indeed.com report on Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging. The report covers topics of inclusion from race, to gender, neurodiversity, physical disability and everything in between. The full report is available, for free, here.
3. Shopping whilst fat
As I mentioned in Slow Burns, I hit pause on my no shopping month only 5 days in to attend a plus size, pre-loved fashion sale - and I regret nothing! It’s no exaggeration to say it’s the best thing I’ve done this year, by a long way!
It’s something we don’t often seem to think about, but the reality for fat babes is that most of the time, for us, shopping is an online only experience. Or, if you do make it to a shop, you usually go in knowing that you’ll probably have to ask a snooty sales assistant to check in the back for your size, since shops often don’t put larger sizes on the floor, even if they stock them. It’s never easy, it’s never comfortable, and it’s absolutely never fun.
But this was so different! Being in a room with so many other fat babes, rummaging through racks, telling each other how great everyone looked, knowing that the things we picked up would fit! It was amazing!
No regrets on hitting the pause button and doing something that made me feel joyful, and put me in touch with my community, and now I’m back on the shopping wagon - wearing a sequin jumpsuit.
4. A Woman of strong resolve?
I’ve made new year’s resolutions for the first time! Just as everyone else seems to be turning away from them, I’m thinking it’s time to give them a go. But I’m branding them as New Years Ambitions - points on the horizon to aim towards when everything else feels difficult.
People who I trust and admire recommended Yearly Compass at the end of last year - a free tool to reflect on the year gone by and plan for the next. So I gave it a go, and I made some plans/promises that I’m excited about.
I don’t trust myself to stick to them alone, so I’m going to share ones that aren’t too personal here with you - because I think it’s much easier to do difficult things when you make yourself accountable and rely on your community - so here we go.
In 2023, I, Sophie Williams, resolve to:
Learn to drive, or at least try.
Start therapy, or at least try.
Be an understanding and empathetic partner.
Put the speaking part of my career front and centre.
Prioritise softness in my surroundings. Good smells. Thick creams. Soft Fabrics.
Prioritise softness in my relationships. Avoid a year of combat with publishers, agents, and myself.
Have a V1 of a novel completed by the end of the year.
Plant flowers and watch them grow. Metaphorically. Literally. In all ways.
Allow my community to support me.
I’m watching
Killing Eve - I’m very late to the party, but I’ve only recently got a TV license, and now the BBC is my oyster. I can’t believe this show is as good as everyone said it is, and I can’t believe it’s over. Which leads me to…
Normal People - I hadn’t read the book or seen the show, but I started an episode last night, to fill the hole left by Killing Eve. I have to say, Paul Mescal was a big draw, having seen Aftersun this week in the cinema.
Aftersun - Each week I go on an Artists Date (as required as part of The Artists Way), and that’s usually a solo trip to the cinema. This week, on Blue Monday, I found myself alone in a screening of Aftersun - and I’m not sure I’ll ever be quite the same.
After the screening I wanted as much more as I could get, which led me to this Guardian interview with the film’s writer and director, with these lines, which absolutely floored me:
I’m reading
Tim Key’s Christmas cards - I loved both of Tim Keys lockdown books: He Used Thought as a Wife, and Here We Go Around The Mulberry Bush. They were my books of the year, and the festive card set didn’t disappoint, at all.
I’m listening to
Global Grooves - if you’ve got the January blues, I promise you there will be something in this playlist that makes you want to wiggle your bum in the kitchen - you won’t be disappointed.
If you want a try before you buy on the poetry of Tim Key, then Tim Key. With a String Quartet. On a Boat. Is the perfect gateway drug. You’re welcome.
Lena Dunham Women of the Hour. Maybe I’m on a nostalgic trip, but this 2015 series from Lena Dunham always comes to mind when I think of the perfect (for me) podcast. So I’m starting it again from the beginning. So far, I still love it.
I’m relying on
The Artists Way - I started this as a birthday gift to myself back in August and finished the 12 week process in December, a changed creative. A creative who believes in my abilities more than ever before. But now I miss the feeling, and the structure, and so…it’s time for me to dive back in for the next 12 weeks. If you are struggling with getting a creative idea off the ground, or even feeling like you have the capacity to be creative, I’d really suggest giving it a go.
Oblique strategies - Brian Eno’s cards for musicians and recording artists might be hard to find, and prohibitively expensive to buy IRL, but luckily, there’s an online version. Simply refresh to get a new creative prompt/suggestion/unblocking from one of the greatest music producers. It’s changed the way I approach work, and blockers, and has helped me to overcome challenges I would have given in to before. It’s love.
It’s goodbye, for now
I’m going to keep on experimenting with the format and timing of these newsletters, I like them a lot and I’d like to do more of them, so, hopefully I’ll be seeing you again very soon!
As always, I’ll leave you with Alex the parrot’s last words
‘You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you’
Until next time you can keep in touch with me via my Ingstagram, my brand new TikTok, or my website. See you soon!
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